new xanga home : www.xanga.com/susanrenee

love me love me love me

.i read too much into things.

gracefully hiding somewhere behind a book not wanting to get in the way.  holding back the tears of dissapointment...not my own mind you, but of letting others down.  everyone.  my lip is hurting from biting it so much, my fingers ache from all the writing, and my eyes get blurry after reading all day and night.

I left to grow, I came to learn... neither of which are ever easy so why would this time be different?  I return leaving a piece of me here... will that piece be loved or hated I do not know, but it's here.  I arrive to opened arms and a new outlook... things will be different, they cannot stay the same.

Currently Reading The Nanny Diaries: A Novel By Emma McLaughlin, Nicola Kraus see related

Birmingham:

Sometimes life has a fog in the air, it just sits back and stares, worries about all your cares

Birmingham, you are my home, but I dont know, I just need to go

the west coast, is calling my name, but its not same, this is not why I came

Birmingham, I know that your my home, but i dont know, i just need to go

so now I see, the path is right for me, I would have never have known, if I didnt know

BERMINGHAM, I KNOW THAT YOUR MY HOME, but i dont know I just need to go*

*=repeat

so my friend Jason Goodwin wrote this not necissarily for me, but about me... and I cried... xoxoxoxo Truly this summer has taught me so much and I wouldn't have ever learned any of it had I stayed at home.

14 days

My heart has been hardened for well over two years when it comes to the church and God.  I've spent most of that time questioning God... tonight I simply whispered "I'm ready" and the process to soften my heart has begun.  I know this is going to be a painful journey, but rewarding.  If you are the praying type, I ask that you pray for me.  Some of you should also prepare yourselves for questions and calls and e-mails and all sorts of things.  I can't do this alone.

I'm still somewhat astonished that at church both last week and tonight God spoke to me about my issues even though the services were nothing about them.  I still find it amazing that God cares this much about me.